“I do
want to go back to the Dominican Republic”, I wrote in an email to a friend in
January.
“Back in the States, at the International House
of Prayer’s One Thing conference in Kansas City December 28-31, I couldn't stop
thinking and praying about Carmen.
The first night as I was crying out to God for her, I remembered the phrase,
“Let my people go.”
It occurred to me that Moses had to say that
ten times, and Pharaoh wasn't listening. In fact, God even hardened his heart.
Why? Why did it have to be so long and drawn out? It was about Moses’ heart. It
was about God being glorified in his obedience and trust.
I realized that even in my desperation to see
Carmen’s suffering end, even in my humble recognition that God was conquering
each obstacle along the way, I still just wanted it to end. I wanted a
conclusion, a happy ending to this horror story.
I realized that if Carmen had moved into the
safe house after visiting it with me, on the day we had agreed to, I may have
felt like the story was over. That I had done something for God, fulfilled a
goal, helped someone. That I could move on to other things.
At the same time, in the D.R. God was teaching
me about not objectifying people in subtle, selfish ways. Even in “helping”
people we can be objectifying them if we are helping them in order for us to be
seen by God or others, or to lift ourselves up, instead of only the Worthy One.
Back at the conference, as I was meditating on
that phrase, “Let my people go,” I realized that I could not move on to other
things. It is not over. The lack of the ending I cried for was not cause for
discouragement, and not even just patience, but perseverance. The lack of an
ending meant my heart cried to think that so many other girls don’t have an
ending yet, either. Like Carmen’s friend and “coworker” “Yudith,” who was also
going to visit the safe house with me. Yet, she never showed up on the day we
were supposed to visit. That was the day before I left the D.R.
December 31st was Carmen’s 15th birthday. That day at the conference,
Benjamin Nolot, spoke about a healthy human sexuality,
challenging us to ask ourselves,
“What kind of society would create someone who
can wake up tomorrow and fly halfway across the world to have sex with a
child?” He desperately and lovingly pleaded with us to stop objectifying one
another in the Church, and to wake up and start really exposing the lies our
culture tells us.
Someone had a dream of Benji a year earlier,
running through the mud until he was immersed, and then emerging in a clean,
white tracksuit but waving the muddy jacket from the other suit, shouting
before a large crowd, “This is what it really looks like! This is what it looks like!”
The dream was being fulfilled as he stood before 30,000 people doing exactly
that.
Benji’s talk was yet another time that I felt
God was speaking to me, saying something like,
“This is what you’re working with when you say
you want to work with women coming out of prostitution. You didn’t think it
would cut so deep, did you? It does. It cuts to the very core of what I meant
when I said I made humans in My image.
“But My healing alone goes deeper. You didn't
think the subtle lies could hold so much sway, did you? But My truth alone sets
you, and them, free. My power breaks every chain. So go and do My work, but go
with the understanding of the spiritual warfare—and spiritual authority that
comes from first, and daily, submitting yourself wholly to Me. Let Me be your
all-consuming fire, burning away the dross of the issues you didn't even know
that you had, so you can truly discern between darkness and light. Let Me
search you and know you and see if there is any wicked way in you, even though
it hurts, and let Me lead you in the way everlasting.”
After Benji’s session, Exodus Cry hosted an
information session, where some of their U.S.-based safe house workers began to
share about one young woman, who called them off and on for a year before
finally making the decision to follow Christ, on Easter Sunday last year. She
kept backing out, but they didn’t give up. It really happened. I began to weep
as they shared. I wanted so much to say that, no matter how long it takes,
Carmen will do that. I can’t explain how much my heart breaks when I write
about this topic, when I hear someone speak about it. As I sat there overcome,
my nose began to bleed.
My nose has often bled at inconvenient times in
my life, like right before a youth orchestra concert for which I had been
practicing for months. Then, it was probably nerves. Now, it was just sheer
emotion. I whispered and motioned for someone sitting behind me to unzip my
backpack and grab a tissue. I ended up leaving the session to clean up in the
bathroom and drink from the water fountain. I made it back for the end of the
session, long enough to hear more testimonies. When the session ended, two of
the guys sitting behind me, who had helped me with the tissue, asked if they
could pray for me.
They prayed in a slow, deliberate way. Pausing
to listen and meditate before speaking, they prayed for joy and boldness and
authority and power to speak when God calls me to. They prophesied I would be
blown away by what God is going to reveal to me in this next season of intimacy
with YHWH.
I feel God used my vulnerability in that moment
to highlight my need for prayer to those around me, even if I would have tried
to dry my tears to keep my mascara from running. But I’m not meant to bear this
burden alone. In my weakness He becomes my strength. He sends the hands and
arms of the Body of Christ to bear me up when I would fall, and work alongside
me where I would grow weary.
That’s why I need to write “Carmen’s” story.
Or, my story of the short time I interacted with Carmen. By the grace of God, I
wanted to get on paper the story line that will awaken the hearts of
intercessors, supporters, and workers who will go into the harvest.”
[The email from January 2014, quoted above,
continues below.]
“Last week I saw the documentary Nefarious: Merchant of Souls for the third time, in a friend’s
apartment. I remember it wrecking me the first time, when they showed it at the
2012 One Thing Conference in Kansas City. The second time was different. I had
invited a friend and I think I was preoccupied with how she was reacting. But
this was the first time I had watched it after meeting Carmen and spending so
much time with her. I felt a reeling pain in my stomach.
The last few scenes in the documentary show
former prostitutes and victims of trafficking describing how Jesus came to them
in a dream and revealed His love to them. Their tears of joy testify to their
freedom, and four of them were marrying and starting families within a few
months of filming. The reality of the horror contrasted with the greater
reality of hope in Jesus, is so stark. He truly sets the captives free. My
friend had fallen asleep, so the room was quiet. I picked up my journal and
began to write.
The next morning, my friend said she wanted to
“practice hearing God’s voice.” She does this often and waits till an image
comes to mind. This time, she said she saw me writing pages and pages. I smiled
because this was already one of the few times in my life I felt a strong
conviction I needed to write, and God used my friend to confirm that.
So, that’s where I’m at. Your prayers are
coveted as I write and listen.
A major way you can pray for me is joy. I asked God for joy during
the conference, and several people who didn’t know me prayed that for me. Since
then I have been asking God to teach me about joy, and He has. I see the
connection that when delving into a mission field so dark and very easily draining,
I absolutely need the joy of the LORD YHWH to be my strength. I desperately
need His joy as I tell this story, and as I rejoice in the salvation He offers
freely to me, and the women in bondage to the lies of the evil one. This
strange paradox of pain and joy inexpressible is only possible through the
Spirit living in me.”
Elsewhere, I wrote,
“I don't know when or how yet, or exactly what,
but I do want to go back. I imagine it will start with a consulting project for
a safe house I am in contact with, and expand to a business idea that could
provide sustainable employment for several more safe houses in the future. I
don’t know what business or product that will be, or whether I will need to
raise support or just jump right into a profit-earning venture from the very
beginning. I’m not sure which organization I would go with officially, either.
Right now I am just in rest/listening/preparation mode. And I don’t know how
long this time will last.
Pray I would take up spiritual authority
to tear down strongholds and "loose the bonds of wickedness" as I
return to the Dominican Republic to join the fight against the evil that is the
sex trade. Pray for divine discernment as I search for the right product for
the rescued women to make, so the business model will be repeatable in other
cities, and will be able to employ hundreds of other women in the years to
come! Pray for godly passion as I share this vision with the Dominican church,
which God has equipped to take the message of His hope and deliverance to the
darkest parts of their society! Pray for the Lord of the harvest to send out
workers into His harvest! Especially Dominican leaders, who will take the torch
and run long and hard with it, until Christ's name is proclaimed to every women
and child caught in prostitution on
the island.”
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